I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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