Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
