so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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