I skipped work to stalk him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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