You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
