tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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