scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
