The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
