No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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