I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
