My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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