Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
