he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
