"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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