I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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