I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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