I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
high people should be assigned attendants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
