The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
