I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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