I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
