I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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