I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize