Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
