is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
