Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
