I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
