**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
