I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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