We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize