Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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