you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
