So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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