He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
