IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
