if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
