Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
