you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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