go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize