Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
