I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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