So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
