Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
