i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
