you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
