I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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