well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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