Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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