You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
