By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
