Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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