Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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