Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
