I hope my margaritas pass through security.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize