wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
