??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no, he came in my armpit
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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