my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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