you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After tacos, we're chasing women.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
