I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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