How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize