mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
