do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
