ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
