If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize