So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
