mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
