Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
