Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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