I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
