somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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