Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
