If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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