i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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