Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
