So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize