Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
