My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
